The work life

So recently, as in like a week ago I, finally, got a job. Of course it's a waitressing job, at Leo's in Dearborn. Surprisingly it's literally busy from the time I walk in till the time I leave. My feet hurt everyday. In fact while I type this I am soaking my feet because they hurt so much. Anyways, I work all the time, 8-4am which means I let my social life go, and am really sad about this. It's like now that I actually have money, I have no one to spend it with. However I do like the people I work with, they are all very very nice. The one thing I would love to change is the cooks yelling at me when THEY mess up an order, but hey whatever.
Every night I go in I get nervous, but half way through the shift I'm happy again. I love my job secretly, but I also love to complain. I just keep tellin' myself, I'm bettering myself and if people don't wanna be on board with me and stay my friends, fuck em' plenty more people to befriend out there. All I know is, I have no worries other than obvious ones. OH, and I'm lookin for a personal foot massage therapist. Even though Chelsea does a lovely job:)

Till next time, bye bye bloggy woggy. No drawings tonight, no time to draw anymore. Work has got the best of me.
PS: super stoked for my half sleeve to get started Monday, ALL SMILES.

Post Birthday

So, yesterday was my day O' birth, for those who don't already know. I am now 19, trust me, nothin' special happens when you get older each year. I still look like I should get the kid's menu everywhere I go, and an ID is a must because people still think I'm about 16. Hell, I still feel like I am 16 sometimes. Anyways, I had a good birthday, even though I didn't have any large parties nor did it turn out as I expected, but I'm happy about that. Everyone was very nice to me, sometimes I wish everyone could just pretend everyday was everyones birthday so we'd all constantly be nice to one another, but I guess thats what makes it such a special day. The fact that one day a year you get to be treated like the most important person to those around you, it's kind of a cool concept.
I was going to make this whole post about me, and how in the past two months I have made my life pretty much perfect, or at least to me. Sure there are some things I wish would change, but as of right now, this very moment, I couldn't be happier with everything I'm doing. I got accepted into the college I want to go to, I got a new job, which I already love. I have weeded through all my 'friends' and came out with an amazing best friend, and a select few that are just amazing friends even if I do not see them as often as I'd like. But surely, I am happy and it's weird to walk around everyday with a smile on my face and it's actually there because it is genuine and I am genuinely pleased with my life.
Enough about me and my accomplishments though, I just wanna say I am so thankful I have a family that even though they can't give me everything I want, and sometimes need, they try their best, especially my awesome parents. I'm glad I have parents whom all my life have supported me, no matter how stupid some of my previous decisions have been. I have a best friend who I believe sometimes puts my well being before her own, and doesn't care how much money I have, but would rather hang with me because we truly have the best times ever when we're together. Hey and sometimes I feel like we might as well be dating HAHA but really we're just that close and I love it. I even have friends that even though I don't see them daily, or even weekly, when I do see them they care so much about me still and vice versa. I am just truly grateful for all the wonderful people in my life, now I finally realize what its like when older people say; it's better to have a few close friends than a million acquaintances. And it is nice, because I could care less about what everyone else is doing, or going out and partying, like all that is great if you can truly cope with the fact your life has little to no purpose or direction. But to have direction and purpose and still have people in the same boat as you supporting and loving you constantly...it feels so much better.

The only thing I did not get for my birthday that would have made it ten times better is, birthday wishes from my Grandma and Linds. This is the only thing that sucks about birthdays and getting older, you lose some of those people you love so much and even though I am happy, I would be happier to just hear them say Happy Birthday. I love and miss them both, but thats okay because I know wherever they are, they are just as happy as I am and missing myself and everyone just as much as they are missed. So to end this post, Instead of putting some picture of me NOT lookin 19 in here, I'll put some lovely pictures of these lovely girls<3

P.s. Cherish what you have, even if it's not a lot, it's still more than you came into this world with;)

Have a little hope, for hope.

Hope is the one thing that if you have it, no one can take it from you. People may be able to disappoint you but they can never make you lose hope, you either have it or you don't. Hope is probably one of the only things that keeps me a little sane and constantly looking forward to tomorrow. I found this quote, and it's probably one of the best quotes I've ever read, because it is so, so, so, on point. I don't care if you're a democrat, or republican, or if you just don't like Obama. It's about the words sometimes, not so much who said them.

“Hope is what led a band of colonists to rise up against an empire; what led the greatest of generations to free a continent and heal a nation; what led young women and young men to sit at lunch counters and brave fire hoses and march through Selma and Montgomery for freedom's cause. Hope is what led me here today -- with a father from Kenya, a mother from Kansas; and a story that could only happen in the United States of America. Hope is the bedrock of this nation; the belief that our destiny will not be written for us, but by us; by all those men and women who are not content to settle for the world as it is; who have courage to remake the world as it should be.”


So have a little hope. Also the picture on the blimp, which actually looks like a Orca says "A city will grow upon the foundations it was built".

Two things I love

My art, and my Goober.

I have a feeling

As recently, of impending doom. Also in the past two months I've had these black-out type seizure-ish, panic attacks. I am worried something is wrong with my brain. This is all I really have to say, no words of wisdom nor sketches. Just getting my paranoia out there. Debating on going to the hospital to get an MRI, but I am far too afraid I will find something is wrong and then regret ever getting it checked out. I don't know. I just hope it's anxiety or something minor.

My birthday is in 9 days, WOOOO. And my so-called friend Brett hoed out on my early birthday party last night, disappointing. So my birthday better be awesome.

I drink too much coffee.

Today was very insignificant, minus the fact me and Jenna ate four burgers each. Hahaha.

I LOVE COWS, IN MY BELLY.

Have a good S-a-TUR- DA- Y, HAY:)

Win some, learn some.

Being vulnerable means leaving yourself open, or susceptible to physical or emotional harm. Being vulnerable is not something most people do well, if at all. Today me and a good friend of mine were chatting away about how "nothing ventured, nothing gained" which is probably one of the best phrases to live by. If we never let ourselves open up to others and actually take the chance of being vulnerable, we would never know friendship, compassion, love, etc. I will be the first person to stand up and say relationships or relation-shits are for the birds, not my cup of tea. However, without actually trying to find some sort of companionship in another, you more than likely become bitter, or very outlandish, to others that is. You may not ever notice it because it becomes you, becomes a habit just as quickly as smoking cigarettes does. Sometimes, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You have to allow yourself to open up, and even if you are given the classic 'run around', it doesn't mean you failed, it means you were just looking in the wrong place for what you, personally need. You can either allow things to stay inside, or you can let them out. Either way sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone you have interest in to read your mind won't happen. Win some, learn some. No such thing as losing, just learning. As I said....Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Here's a quick sketch I did in the moment. One of the fingers is a little off, but if you can see it from my perspective, AWESOMEEEEE. If not, whatever, next time. haha.

Hate or heart?

Honestly, I can say I hate so many things. I hate the new tool bar that somehow made its way onto my safari page. I hate every day that my computer freezes. I hate the mac campaign for saying that mac's never get viruses and lying to me. I hate when I'm nice to people so they talk to me constantly and I then have to show them my mean side. I hate that money means more than personality, in most cases. I hate that everything isn't free. I hate that most people drive like they are blind. I hate that people judge each other so much, as though they have a microscope in their pocket. I hate the television, a lot, and all its stupid commercials. I hate when people lie. I hate when people are hypocrites. I hate when people hoe out. I hate when someone promises you so much but falls extremely short of expectation. I hate the winter. I hate bees. I hate music that has no heart or soul to it. I hate drinking. I hate the plethora of people you find at average parties. I hate that appearance means so much to so many. I hate that no one ever asks me how I am, instead of the other way around. I hate not having a job. I hate anyone who doesn't love say anything. I hate that cancer has taken so many that I love away from me. I hate that I smoke cigarettes. I hate math. I hate a lot of the people in downriver, Michigan. I hate so much. But you know what...that doesn't make me any better than the things I hate. Hate is one of the most used words next to love and hating something just makes you a bitter person. All those bitter people out there just resonate more and more hate, until we're all killing one another for what we don't have in common. Hate is such an easy emotion to express, love however, love takes a lot more hard work. I could hate everything till the day I die, but that won't make me a better person by having a heart of steel.
Even though I said I hate so much, there is so much more that I love. I could name it all off but you wouldn't wanna read that.
The one thing however, that I love the most is, the power of each individual person. Everyone has so much potential, whether or not they see it is their own issue. But it's a lovely thing I must say, knowing that one person can do so much, and the more people who see this, the better off we all are.

PS My birthday is in 12 days, am I excited? Not one bit.

Failure

Famous Failure


Today I checked my schooling, which is done online. I had a couple new emails, mostly from various teachers whom have graded my work and sent me "proficencies", but I had one from my head teacher or mentor as they call it. In the email was this video and a few kind words of congratulations from her.
If you actually check out the video you'll know what I'm talking about, if you don't...then just close this window now.
Failure is usually measured or defined by our mistakes and or regrets. However, as you saw in this video, if you have never been down the road of failure you will never be able to reach success. I think you have to have been to the extreme low to really appreciate when the simpliest things work out.
This video inspired me, mostly because I already can relate to it. I was told many a times I was going no where or that I wasn't "good enough" to do what I wanted to do and go the places I wanted to go. However because I will never settle, I have overcome and will continue to do so. I don't know how many times a week I say this to people, but never settle. I don't care if you never listen to another word that comes out of my mouth, or fingers rather. I urge you to take this one piece of advice and live by it; never, ever, in a million years should you settle for less than what you feel YOU deserve. That advice goes many ways, for many situations. Don't settle for a crap job just because you feel it's your only option. Don't settle for a significant other who truly isn't what you're looking for just because you feel you don't want to be alone. Don't settle for a career and educational path because it's what your parents want or what will make you the most income. We are measured by our flaws, our failures, our success, our goals and most importantly, by what we will and won't settle for. How do you measure up?

Better late than never.

Thats the phrase that is mostly used when referring to belated birthday cards and couples having children in their 40's
My better late than never for this week is, drum roll please...Being excited about my good news! I got accepted into CCS.
Which I hear is "half the battle", but to me it's a battle in it's own. I am probably the happiest I have been in the past year, or maybe the past two. I'm not to sure where this all measures up with best moments of my life, but it's definitely a significant step in the right direction to the goals I've set for my future. I was so pumped when my sister broke the news to me that I screamed, a lot. I just sat there screaming in excitement with my friend Jenna, lookin' like a weirdo. But that didn't matter, none of this matters. All that matters is I have found that renewal I was urning for. I am so glad and relieved and just full of hope now.
This may be one giant step in the right direction, but starting from now on it's all going to be coasting or rather struggling through hard work and a couple hundred all nighters. All in all, I am proud to say I will be a student of the College for Creative Studies in the Fall of 2010.


PS: The pictures have nothing to do with anything. I just worked on it today and figured I'd throw it on in here.