Ma Famille.

Wellll, my sister, big mama the dog and Dad's hand.

Being alone and being lonely are two separate things.

I have come to realize something in most recent weeks, not only about myself but about people in general. I guess when you work as much as I do and everything, you spend a lot more time inside your head than living in the moment of time, so therefore, I think way too much.
I spend a good 80% of my daily life alone, now I say alone with no connotation of sorrow or emptiness. I am very much so happy with things for the time being and life as is, I enjoy the peaceful state of being on my own a lot of the time. Even though most people don't like to spend time by themselves and would much rather have a companion or friend around, I'm okay with the complete opposite of this. I wanna say that I feel even the least bit sad by this truth, but I am not, I am just glad to have the opportunity to be a stronger individual than most people are.
The thing is, we spend a good amount of our time chasing some odd goals we set up for ourselves. As though the world would crumble if we don't have certain material things or people in our lives, it's like a constant competition to see who has what and what will measure up to be the greatest story of all time. Life is not a game, it is not some thing that you can win or anything. Even the people with loads of money and a great career didn't win anything, they just worked harder than most, or got a lucky break and now they just gotta ride out the storm of this crazy world till it comes to an end. My point is, no matter what, you're not going to get some great prize for following the social norm and doing what you "think" is expected of you.
Anyways, happiness doesn't come with a group of friends, or a stunning significant other, it doesn't even come with a large sum of money. All of these things are of only a temporary happiness, almost like drug abusers, they think the drug makes them happy but it is only the chase of the high that makes them feel the slightest bit of joy. I'm not sure about everyone else around here, or there, or anywhere-but I am happy, even when I say I'm not, I'm happy for what I do and do not have in my life. I know for a fact with everything in me, having a great circle of friends is nice, but they will change as will I and they will be gone. I know that yeah, maybe having a relationship would be nice and the whole "falling in love" thing may make me happy, but I prefer to stick with what I know, telling myself a bunch of lies will not suffice. Being alone doesn't actually mean a life of misery and all of the terrible things people make it out to be...it just means not having a plethora of people around clouding your judgment, and your thoughts. I have what I need, and that is me, myself, and I. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family and all the other amazing people I have in my life, hell I live with 3 of my good friends and I enjoy pretty much every second of it, but the truth of the matter is, we all came into this world and we go out of this world completely and utterly...alone. So being alone is not the same as being lonely, at least you can never lose something that you never had, or rather some one.

All the people.

There are hundreds of people waiting to watch you stumble and most importantly fall, flat on your face. Waiting for you to just step in a huge pile of cow pies and not come out smelling anything less than that. All the people with their noses held high and their knives in hand, waiting to stab you so quickly in the back you'd never know who did it. This is what the world will forever be full of, because everyone initially is only looking out for themselves, their own #1!

However, the beauty of most people being this way is, more motivation to prove others wrong and do things the right way, not to be cocky or to show off, but rather to show those waiting and watching for you to make a mistake, that you don't care how long they give you the stink eye, or what they may say about you....cause you got this, you can handle the pressure and the problems of life, all with a smile because it may be hard but it's not as though anyone ever survives and we all are in the same boat anyways.

Lately...

This is the first time I'm posting an entry from my new "residence", it feels strange, like the kind of strange of using someone else's shower...which, oddly enough I'm just getting used to that concept as well. However, I enjoy this feeling of change and unfimilarity. It's like dipping your feet in a body of water before getting in, you never know what it may exactly be, but you know either way- you're gonna like it. Sadly enough, now my blog entries won't have much, if any art, for I do not have my usb cord and thus cannot get any pictures onto the internet, well, I could, but it would be far too time consuming, time which is now more precious to me than anything. Even the all mighty 'dollar', but that just mostly comes in bulk so it is a far, far worry for myself.
Lately I have been just doing whatever day to day, I just work a lot, unfortunately I wear my work uniform 5 out of the 7 days a week and sometimes just don't even change out of it, much. Which is just kind of pathetic but hey, I am being responsible and independent, isn't this the life? I guess it's nice but sometimes I just miss being a kid, I was so naive, and happy and surround by what I always thought to be tons of caring people. Then I hit the teenage years and that slowly disappeared, can I just go back to no job and naps daily? Now that I no longer live with my parents, and with the constant annoyance of silence I feel at 5-7am after I get off work just haunts me. It's the kind of silence that makes me feel alone, like if it wasn't for me being young and with roommates it would just be me at my house, when I grow up- I think that's exactly what it will be; me up, 6am, with my trusted dog or maybe cat next to me as I blog because I am infessed with thoughts of all kinds. Well, one things for sure, I smile a lot more now, and during the day I don't feel lonely. I just miss seeing my parents sometimes, but I'm glad I still see them a few times a week, even if only for a short while.
I'm going to leave this post with a question, if you stumble upon my blog and read this, do comment and answer if you would, I'd greatly appreciate it. Is it wrong to wait a year, if you have a good paying job, to go back to school? This question has been plauging me so.