Home is where the heart is, isn't it?

Today I was smoking a cigarette outside of the apartment complex I currently live in, I always find myself looking about aimlessly while doing so. My eyes caught the people who live across the way's door mat, which happened to read "There is no place like home". I shook my head because, when do you determine what is home? Here I am, about 700 miles from home, wondering to myself what constitutes a home? I would say without question, my home is in Michigan....however even when I think about that I feel confused, because how is Michigan my home when even my house there isn't mine. Then I ponder maybe my parent's house is home, wrong again; its no more my home than any of the other places I have stayed. So whats the answer? I think it is an open ended question, open to interpretation, open to debate, and open to whatever you really believe a home is. Maybe its 4 walls carefully molded together to protect the home maker. I know lately it feels like everywhere could be my home if I allow it to be, by this I mean just because a place is all you know and all you feel comfortable in; doesn't make it "home". So when people say home is where the heart is, my heart is in my body and wherever my body wanders...well anywhere should be home in that scenario!
I think Andrew Largeman got it best: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore all of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
I have no idea why, but I feel the same way he does, I have no idea where home is, nor any idea where I will plant my feet, a month from now. Let alone where I would call home. I guess I am my own home, I make up my own home "sweet" home.

People are never what you expect them to be.

This post is inspired by my new living style. Recently I moved to Virginia with my bestfriend and room mate Katherine Cervelli. We moved here with her sister Angela Cervelli who is a captain in the Army. At first I was more than excited, 50 days turned into 20 which turned into a week, and before you knew it we were driving cross state lines on a whim. We both (katherine and myself) up and quit our jobs, left our pets, left our house, everything behind just to start a new.
I won't bluff, I was a little nervous, new state, new living conditions. I barely know Angela, or the area at all. However, after about 5 days of being here I can say this is perfect. I'm probably the happiest I have ever been, though from time to time I miss certain things or people in Michigan....it doesn't phase me. I think the one thing I keep going back to in my head is the fact that it's so great because it's so vastly different from Michigan, mostly Downriver Michigan. People can say "everyone is the same everywhere you go" FALLACY! Not true! People here are different, and I've learned a lot of the people I thought I knew back home, I didn't. They held such high regards in my mind and now I look back and shake my head, I don't know if I want to come back....I'd be okay with making Virginia home.

I won't spare you

I've noticed most of my post are based off things I'm preaching about. I never really talk about myself, I mean I am sure there are a few post where I mention myself. However lately I have been trying to keep my opinion at bay, this being very difficult for me to do on a daily basis. I always thought that was an admiral quality, to be brutally honest with all those around you. Sometimes it bites you in the ass, but sometimes it makes people enjoy you more; at least, they know I will always tell them the "God honest truth". Most people tell me I should probably think before I speak, but I'm sorry I won't spare anyones feelings in a matter of opinion, I like to be real. Why do others think keeping every thought inside is healthy? I would much rather everyone be truthful to the point that I am with myself as well, but I guess it's something that is frowned upon. I just see it as me being me, why try and change my thought process to make society and those around me respectful of me? "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" I think thats how it goes right? Correct me if I'm wrong, haha. I won't spare you, No I won't spare you.

Take me to your super computer!

I can now mobile-blog, WHAAAAAT?! As if the internet and cellphones didn't make my life easier as is, (I reinstated my facebook already) but damn, mobile-blogging now too? DOWN! Probably as excited as I am because when I move I can just car blog, aka; the act of blogging while on a long car ride/ roadtrip. OH, I didn't tell my blog, I'm leaving in 36 days, give or take a day. I plan to move to Chester, Virginia with my roomie and bestfriend Katherine, or as you'll hear me refer to her as "Kiki". I was super excited, I mean actually I am still extremely excited, However; I will dearly miss quite a few people, but this is a vacation that not only have I been dreaming about and wanting desperately....but I need this vacation. I need a break away from all the hussle and bussle that is my life in Metro Detroit. I know people are the same everywhere, I know that I'm gonna get lonely, I know it's gonna be different, but who cares. I'm over others trying to change my mind on the matter, I have no idea how long I'll be gone for. For now, till July, possibly August. I just know the internet will make me feel a lot closer to those I love when I leave anyways. Hey, more time for me to blog and figure out some creative way of relating my ideas and sketches or just plain out figure out what I wanna do with the time I've been given.

A wise man once said...

"It is after all the greatest art to limit and isolate oneself."

So that is exactly what I am going to do. I just, literally, 5 minutes ago deleted my Facebook account and feel pretty good about it. I think i'll communicate my daily ideas on here. Who needs short status updates that do little but provoke me to insanity? I'm not sure why I even stuck with FB as long as I did, I guess it was an issue of entertainment, and then dependancy and now I just don't care anymore. I just don't care what the world has to say, nothing about facebook was beautiful or even slightly amusing to me. I guess creeping had become some sort of modern hobby. Either way, if I cannot change my world around me, I will cut it off from me. One step daily to a better, happier me. I can't change states now so everyday I'm gonna add one new thing to my daily routine or, change one habit for the better. Who knows what each day will bring? All that matters is every day is not the same.

DAY 1, deleted facebook profile; limit useless internet activities.

People=BS

This is my ode to all those assholes out there, yeah, you all know who you are. To those people we all have in our lives that would much rather use us for when everything fit their schedule; rather than, be good friends to us. All I know is, after these 4-5 months of living outside my families walls and being around very few people than I was before I can tell you with very strong conviction I think people are absolute bullshit. They do nothing but bring one another down, hurt eachother, and then they smile and pretend to be a good person. Fuck that! I cannot stand those who live by a do as I say not as I do mentality. I fully dislike so many people I once confused for friends....they all just suck.

Just saying.

There is no worse feeling than the feeling of not being good enough. We've all been there, that moment in time where your heart hits your stomach and you feel as though life is anything but fair. Better yet, we've all asked ourselves the infamous question of "why me"? Today I was confronted with the bitter feeling of not being quite good enough, not that it has never happened prior to this; however, this time I felt the impact severely. Automatically you reach for anger, you belittle the person or whatever made you feel the way you do, but when it comes down to it, things happen as they should. That's life, you get kicked when you're down and sometimes the ones we desperately want just don't feel the same. After all the excuses you give for the way someone behaves and all the times you find yourself waiting because you THINK it may change in time, you can't. At the end of the day the people who want to be in our lives prove that. They are there and will always be, while the one that aren't have made that choice apparent by their absence. A feeling is only a feeling till you let it get the best of you. This feeling has got a hold on me, and I can't get out.