People=BS

This is my ode to all those assholes out there, yeah, you all know who you are. To those people we all have in our lives that would much rather use us for when everything fit their schedule; rather than, be good friends to us. All I know is, after these 4-5 months of living outside my families walls and being around very few people than I was before I can tell you with very strong conviction I think people are absolute bullshit. They do nothing but bring one another down, hurt eachother, and then they smile and pretend to be a good person. Fuck that! I cannot stand those who live by a do as I say not as I do mentality. I fully dislike so many people I once confused for friends....they all just suck.

Just saying.

There is no worse feeling than the feeling of not being good enough. We've all been there, that moment in time where your heart hits your stomach and you feel as though life is anything but fair. Better yet, we've all asked ourselves the infamous question of "why me"? Today I was confronted with the bitter feeling of not being quite good enough, not that it has never happened prior to this; however, this time I felt the impact severely. Automatically you reach for anger, you belittle the person or whatever made you feel the way you do, but when it comes down to it, things happen as they should. That's life, you get kicked when you're down and sometimes the ones we desperately want just don't feel the same. After all the excuses you give for the way someone behaves and all the times you find yourself waiting because you THINK it may change in time, you can't. At the end of the day the people who want to be in our lives prove that. They are there and will always be, while the one that aren't have made that choice apparent by their absence. A feeling is only a feeling till you let it get the best of you. This feeling has got a hold on me, and I can't get out.

I'm a psycho, wooooah.

This post was prompted from my late night mind flow, which is actually just a highly creative nick name for insomnia. So lately I've been thinking, I need to create more ideas, which leads me to my new found idea...I want to give up on hate, saying it, using it, thinking it, anything having to do with it. So in this post I'm letting out all the hate I can think of and then no longer using the word and thus not giving the emotion a label, listen it's just a good idea. Now this list or rather rant, will be short, I'm sure I could sit and think for hours about what I "hate" but that feels like a pointless venture, so i'll keep it short and sweet.
Five things I absolutely HATE:
1) Ignorant people, people who speak improperly out of laziness, or lack of education. However most think that being a "tuff guy" will get their point across better than knowledge and education, Okay we get it, you could fight me and win but you still sound and look like a mongoloid.
2) Extremely prejudice people, the kind who think all people wearing scarves are terrorist and that every black man in baggy pants and nikes is going to rob them. Get real, get with it, Kindness is universal. If you're nice to people they will be the same to you.
3) Seeing the people around me go no where, now this is not regarding everyone around me, but a select few. It's so sad and pathetic watching people older than myself, or even my age do nothing because they have lame excuses and a poor habit to part take in.
4)My job, I'm sorry but I know everyone hates their jobs so you can sympathize with me when I say I hate hate hate it. It's not even the job itself I hate, because I love waitressing. I just guess I dislike the fact its the same shit a different day with that place. Constantly have to feel inferior to male cooks who not only are rude, but sometimes creepy towards you. Mind you working with about 15 other women doesn't make a job any easier. So constantly stuck between a rock and a hard place.
5)Favorites, I hate when people play this card, which they do just about uhhh DAILY! Seriously, what happen to everyone being created equal, thats right! This is the 21st century, you're only equal if you have 4G.
5) I hate the holidays, all it does is make me think about missing loved ones. Which is just the last thing I wanna do. So I guess I'll work em' all. I hate just about everything, everyday BUT, I am going to try and change that.
I'm gonna change my mind, get in the right mind and get feelin' right. Positivity makes progress.

The broke, or broken...

You know what? I'm gonna give you a mental image of where all this is coming from. It's coming from the mouth of an open-minded, lazy, hard on themself, white, female, who believes more in her own sex than the opposition, hard working, stressed out, out of her mind, broke college student. I say all of this while eating a plate of luke warm pizza rolls, and a cold glass of Red indistinct flavored Kool-aid; complements of one of my roomies, Mizz Jay. What I'm trying to say is this, even if my words seem like BS, or meaningful. If maybe they seem like I have some intelligence or very little, I'm no different than the other billions of people in the world. All the millions of college students with opinions and arguments, we are one in the same, some smarter, some not as much. However we all share similar issues, similar troubles or problems we encounter in life. So why is it so hard for us to come together and see eye to eye as humans? The more I understand about other cultures, the more I begin to become a stranger to my own. Sometimes the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side, it's just the other side sometimes doesn't even have grass,the grass is the last thing on their minds....okay obviously this may not make sense to you. But to me, it makes perfect sense. These are just words and thoughts of a broke student, so I'm gonna enjoy my ghetto fabulous lunch, adios.

Situations

I've noticed lately that a lot of people, mostly people in my immediate circle of close friends and family all kind of complain about the same things. Whether it be, money, health, school, work, etc. it's always the same feelings towards the same situations. Then last night I realized, we all do it, we all complain about every detail of our lives or maybe just one not being slightly the way we hoped or imagined it to be. It's kind of funny how much we envy others for the things they have or the thing they do not have to do. However, if you actually remove your feelings from the complaint you start to see that, it's not just you, it's everyone...we all go through these phases where maybe our bosses don't treat us the way they treat other co workers or maybe our parents don't help us out as much as we'd like them to, or even as much as they help our siblings. Hell, maybe it might even be that you don't understand why you're single or why you're in some sort of abusive relationship. No matter what the area or complaint might be, one thing is true for all of this, yeah it may suck to be you right now. However, there are other people out in the world that feel envious of you because of something you have and they don't or the way you're treated and they aren't. Point blank, no one has it good, and as much as you are hurting, there are a million other people who have it worse than you, and being grateful for all you have, doesn't necessarily mean that you need to see everything as a positive even when it's not. It more so means, realizing you've got SOMETHING that others would kill to have, and all the other things you do not have that others do, that stuff will all come in time. So be grateful for all you are and all you are not.

This is all

I am so fed up with people and the morals they lack. See, everyone walks around complaining about all the wrongs done to them and then they turn around and wrong others. What's the point? You get what you put into the world. So yeah, if you cheat on girls all the time and then want a respectable girlfriend in the aftermath, IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. That's just one of many examples I can throw out there for ya. I can understand if you're an upstanding citizen and the world constantly pushes you down, even after doing good to and for others. However, 95% of the time, this isn't the case, it's the former, not the latter.
You have to have some type of morals, or else you're going to constantly be hit with a big sack of bad luck. I truly believe the problem with the communities around this area is, everyone expects to live a life of "partying" and "fun" (which also translates into irresponsibility) then they expect that life is going to work out perfectly and they will get everything they wish for. SIKE, this is the real world, not some dream land where you make everything possible. I'm not saying having everything you wish for and want isn't possible, but it definitely is not achieved through immaturity, waiting around for a party, or lack of respect/care for others. In fact, you get a lot more out of life when you help others get to the top. We all would much rather sit around and talk not only about others, but then about ourselves hoping a pity party can save us, news flash; it's not going to happen.
Almost everyone I've ever met in this area of Michigan has not only been somewhat of a Debbie downer, but also have said a lot more about others than they do about their own mistakes or imperfections. Which, in turn, says a lot more about them than the person they have previously discussed. In conclusion, stop doing bad things to others and after hoping something great will happen for you. I guess, point blank, everyone is more concerned about ME, rather than WE.

I'm not drowning, and I don't need your life jacket.

Everyone needs a savior, whether it be in superhero form, higher power, or human. People get stuck in a bind and they search the grounds for someone to carry them out of their situation to salvation. As nice as it would be, for everytime I had a problem to have another person pick up the pieces and sweep all my problems under a rug, that's just never the way things work out for me. Ever since I can remember I have been my own prince charming, I have been holding my own fort and battling life with no one by my side. This on going problem of thinking someone is going to come to our rescue everytime the "shit" hits the fan, it's so unrealistic. I used to look to my parent's to save my younger self, but that is not even the case anymore. I try my hardest to rely on very few for anything, because if you are your own savior, you don't need to be in debt or feel guilty towards anything, or anyone. Sometimes things get bad, sometimes things feel like they are going to fall apart, but I've learned to be my own glue to hold all of my life together. So if I can, you can...always. Be your own helping hand, instead of waiting for a hand to come along, cause one day, you're gonna be waiting forever for a limb that won't be thrown your way. I'm not drowning, I'm not down and out, I am just a little lost, give me some time...I can figure everything out.

Ma Famille.

Wellll, my sister, big mama the dog and Dad's hand.

Being alone and being lonely are two separate things.

I have come to realize something in most recent weeks, not only about myself but about people in general. I guess when you work as much as I do and everything, you spend a lot more time inside your head than living in the moment of time, so therefore, I think way too much.
I spend a good 80% of my daily life alone, now I say alone with no connotation of sorrow or emptiness. I am very much so happy with things for the time being and life as is, I enjoy the peaceful state of being on my own a lot of the time. Even though most people don't like to spend time by themselves and would much rather have a companion or friend around, I'm okay with the complete opposite of this. I wanna say that I feel even the least bit sad by this truth, but I am not, I am just glad to have the opportunity to be a stronger individual than most people are.
The thing is, we spend a good amount of our time chasing some odd goals we set up for ourselves. As though the world would crumble if we don't have certain material things or people in our lives, it's like a constant competition to see who has what and what will measure up to be the greatest story of all time. Life is not a game, it is not some thing that you can win or anything. Even the people with loads of money and a great career didn't win anything, they just worked harder than most, or got a lucky break and now they just gotta ride out the storm of this crazy world till it comes to an end. My point is, no matter what, you're not going to get some great prize for following the social norm and doing what you "think" is expected of you.
Anyways, happiness doesn't come with a group of friends, or a stunning significant other, it doesn't even come with a large sum of money. All of these things are of only a temporary happiness, almost like drug abusers, they think the drug makes them happy but it is only the chase of the high that makes them feel the slightest bit of joy. I'm not sure about everyone else around here, or there, or anywhere-but I am happy, even when I say I'm not, I'm happy for what I do and do not have in my life. I know for a fact with everything in me, having a great circle of friends is nice, but they will change as will I and they will be gone. I know that yeah, maybe having a relationship would be nice and the whole "falling in love" thing may make me happy, but I prefer to stick with what I know, telling myself a bunch of lies will not suffice. Being alone doesn't actually mean a life of misery and all of the terrible things people make it out to be...it just means not having a plethora of people around clouding your judgment, and your thoughts. I have what I need, and that is me, myself, and I. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family and all the other amazing people I have in my life, hell I live with 3 of my good friends and I enjoy pretty much every second of it, but the truth of the matter is, we all came into this world and we go out of this world completely and utterly...alone. So being alone is not the same as being lonely, at least you can never lose something that you never had, or rather some one.

All the people.

There are hundreds of people waiting to watch you stumble and most importantly fall, flat on your face. Waiting for you to just step in a huge pile of cow pies and not come out smelling anything less than that. All the people with their noses held high and their knives in hand, waiting to stab you so quickly in the back you'd never know who did it. This is what the world will forever be full of, because everyone initially is only looking out for themselves, their own #1!

However, the beauty of most people being this way is, more motivation to prove others wrong and do things the right way, not to be cocky or to show off, but rather to show those waiting and watching for you to make a mistake, that you don't care how long they give you the stink eye, or what they may say about you....cause you got this, you can handle the pressure and the problems of life, all with a smile because it may be hard but it's not as though anyone ever survives and we all are in the same boat anyways.

Lately...

This is the first time I'm posting an entry from my new "residence", it feels strange, like the kind of strange of using someone else's shower...which, oddly enough I'm just getting used to that concept as well. However, I enjoy this feeling of change and unfimilarity. It's like dipping your feet in a body of water before getting in, you never know what it may exactly be, but you know either way- you're gonna like it. Sadly enough, now my blog entries won't have much, if any art, for I do not have my usb cord and thus cannot get any pictures onto the internet, well, I could, but it would be far too time consuming, time which is now more precious to me than anything. Even the all mighty 'dollar', but that just mostly comes in bulk so it is a far, far worry for myself.
Lately I have been just doing whatever day to day, I just work a lot, unfortunately I wear my work uniform 5 out of the 7 days a week and sometimes just don't even change out of it, much. Which is just kind of pathetic but hey, I am being responsible and independent, isn't this the life? I guess it's nice but sometimes I just miss being a kid, I was so naive, and happy and surround by what I always thought to be tons of caring people. Then I hit the teenage years and that slowly disappeared, can I just go back to no job and naps daily? Now that I no longer live with my parents, and with the constant annoyance of silence I feel at 5-7am after I get off work just haunts me. It's the kind of silence that makes me feel alone, like if it wasn't for me being young and with roommates it would just be me at my house, when I grow up- I think that's exactly what it will be; me up, 6am, with my trusted dog or maybe cat next to me as I blog because I am infessed with thoughts of all kinds. Well, one things for sure, I smile a lot more now, and during the day I don't feel lonely. I just miss seeing my parents sometimes, but I'm glad I still see them a few times a week, even if only for a short while.
I'm going to leave this post with a question, if you stumble upon my blog and read this, do comment and answer if you would, I'd greatly appreciate it. Is it wrong to wait a year, if you have a good paying job, to go back to school? This question has been plauging me so.

In regards to my mood

This is how I feel lately, with life, my emotions, friends, boys, family, everyone and everything. I will keep everyone blocked away forever, because every time I try to make a motion in the right direction or allow myself to be vulnerable, I fail and feel ten times worse. So thats that.

HOWEVER;

This Friday the Banksy movie 'Exit Through The Gift Shop' comes out.

Who's goin' with me? Cause I WILL go before I work Friday.

Open minds, Open hearts.

I feel like every day, week, month, etc. goes by far too quickly. It amazes me that Fridays always come so quickly and that before you know it, the next month is here. I dislike this, there is never enough hours in a day, truly I think everyone feels this way. I don't get time to stop and enjoy the weather or the scenery or for that matter, anything really. My feet have become tired and withered like my soul feels sometimes from working. I do love my job however, and am verrrrry good at it. I just; as I always say, miss the way things used to be. Money really cannot buy happiness, it can buy you material happiness, but thats not even real. But I do feel joyful when people, my friends and family, go out of their way to visit me at work and such, and make time for me in general. It makes me feel as though things haven't changed for the worse.
Anyways, I have recently realized how different cultures are, tonight there was a table of maybe 12-18 arabic decent, men. They were rude to every waitress, finally they sent out the only male, lebanese waiter at our establishment, and these men were nice to him. This right here, is the reason I despise some men. I mean seriously, I'm pretty sure everyone was equal last time I checked. However for some reason, these men think having money means you can treat some people, especially women, horribly. It took everything in me to not walk over there and slap each of them, individually. I just wish everyone would be more open minded to everything, give people a chance before you judge them, before you open your mouth with a rude remark or a bad attitude. It's not as though people choose their race, culture, age, short comings, and everything else. They are just working with what they've got, or at least that's how I see it. Being open minded and open hearted leaves little room for hatred and mostly makes you a beautiful person no matter what your outside may appear. You must give everything and everyone a chance, if you don't you may walk right by one of the most amazing people in the world and not stop to say Hi because they don't please your fancy. I just cannot stress enough how important being nice to everyone is, people are people, they should all be treated respectfully until shown they deserve otherwise. I love my job just because I get to practice this everyday. I meet new people everyday and I just cannot tell you how amazingly warm hearted, giving, kind, beautiful, soul filled people I get the pleasure of having conversations with. Sometimes I walk out of that place with more than just a pocket full of cash, but a heart full of happiness, and some lovely friends that are just as open as I am. I truly believe this job happened upon me for a good reason.


Tip to remember; Open minds give opportunity to an open heart, which will fill your soul with all the nutrients it may need or want.

The hypocrite's of hypocrisy

I don't get mad about a lot. I get annoyed by many things, but never really angry. However, the one thing that bothers me more than anything in this whole world are, hypocrites. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate hypocrites. I cannot stand those who try to stand for something or someone and end up proving to be nothing but liars. It's the ol' "do as I say, not as I do" trick. Unfortunately, the world happens to be full of hypocrites. From the girls who say "Oh I don't like (insert name here)" and the next day you see they are trying to be best-friends with the person. Also, another area, very infamous for hypocrisy, religious fanatics. I'm OBVIOUSLY, not downing religion nor am I saying all religious fanatics are hypocrites, however, there are some that happen to be. It's those people that try to be so uppity about a certain thing or subject and then you find out they secretly supported it the whole time. It's just one of my major pet peeves, if you are going to say something, stand behind it, don't change your mind and then make up a billion and one excuses why you didn't mean what you first said or did. I mean, I guess everyone is a hypocrite in one respect or another, I'm sure some people even think I, myself am a hypocrite, but as far as I'm concerned when I don't like something or someone, I stand behind my morals and don't go back on my word, because that ruins my credibility.
To be honest, I am just fed up with no one meaning what they say anymore, I am fed up with people going back on their words and still trying to act like they are some sort of saint, it boggles my mind how anyone can feel good about themselves when they clearly don't even know who they are, enough so, that they go back on everything they say. Whatever though, I shall get over it, because the world is full of people like this, and clearly I am the minority because I don't understand the logic of such a world. You shouldn't be so self righteous when you're supposedly all about "not having drama" and yet you befriend and put yourself around people who will bring you nothing but. Realistically I am probably over reacting about things, and just being insane, but oh well. I miss having a best-friend, I miss MY best-friend....:(

To all the things I wish I still had.

Lately, well for the past like month and a half, all I can think about is how much I miss the way everything "used to be". I miss not having to work, okay obviously that one is stupid to miss; responsibility is a great thing. I miss all the friends I used to see at least once a week, if not, daily. I miss being young, I miss not having worries. I miss my Grandmother, so much and My Lindsaykins. I miss just not worrying about death being around the corner waiting for the ones I love. I miss thinking everyone around me was gonna live forever and that maybe by crazy chance I'd die before anyone in my family did when I got like 85, 90. I miss that naive way of believing things that were just totally impractical.
I feel like everyone around me feels it too though, it's like this huge society of people you can tell are hurting, but act as if everything is fine. I don't mind that most people fake it off, I'd rather see a million smiling faces than a million people crying over change taking everything from them. I am at a loss of things to say to convince myself and others that everything is the way it is for a legitimate reason and that things will get better, because even I feel that isn't going to happen so how can I lie to people when I'd be lying to myself as well? I feel drained and I just want something to make me genuinely smile, not like a smile that comes with seeing someone at work do something funny or the smiles I get when people make jokes. One of those smiles where you can pretty much feel your heart warm you from the inside, out and you can put your hands behind your head and just, smile.
If you don't know what I am talking about, you haven't experienced such a feeling and I feel sorry for you. I always feel like people complain about the smallest worries, like some people just don't know what it's actually like to have to struggle with anything and overcome, like they have never been through anything life changing. But truthfully, maybe they haven't...maybe I deserve more credit than I give myself, or maybe I am just a tortured soul. I'd like to think not, but loss can do some insane things to a person's mental state and take over in a way you never knew possible. I'm just going to try to make everyone, including myself, smile more.

Also, speaking of those times when you are genuinely happy, heres a picture from a horse drawn carriage ride one night that I just "happened" upon with my bestfriend, it was pretty awesome and made the day ten times better.

Just a thought...

So often people say the word happy, or other variations of the word. People use it so loosely, as if they know what it is for sure. I do not know about everyone else, so I won't speak for them, however, I can speak on my own behalf and say it doesn't exist. Not trying to be miserable or like emotional. I just do not believe true happiness it out there, I have experienced moments of happiness, but then again everyone has. There is not one person, I think, in this world that is literally happy everyday. Which would only mean there are such things as moments of happiness, rather than a life of happiness. Most people may argue this point, but when it comes down to it, in a perfect world maybe everything works out for everyone, all the time. Seeing as we live in the real world, this is not even a fraction of the actual case. You may be happy now, this day or this hour, this week. It could even carry over for several months, but it will and does come tumbling down, and it's out of your control and then you're back to square one. We think if something isn't cutting the potential we thought it was, we throw it out, get rid of it at any cost. Sometimes we have to do this with people or whatever the situation might be, we don't want to, but it's more of a process type deal. I guess the moral of every situation, well usually the ones where you try to prove yourself or someone else wrong; is that you can't rely on people, places, or things to make you happy. It's a hard thing to do, because off the top of my head I can think of the things that make me happy and most are either things or people, so how do we find true happiness when we cannot rely on the things we want to make us happy anymore? I'm not sure, but then again is anyone? Can true happiness really come from inside, or can enough bad things happen to make it impossible to find happiness from anything but others? I don't know much anymore, I feel out of my comfort zone daily, with people everywhere, even people I already know or have known for years. I dove into the great unknown and lost myself while falling. I feel like a time traveler, I'm always looking for somewhere new to lay my head, someone new to take interest in, something new to teach me a thing or two. Then I realize most everything is the same just with a different look to it. It's the truth, the disappointing truth, which is also the same reason we find ourselves down and doubting ourselves, the disappointing truth. I know my limits now, I know my convictions were right and well justified, I know now that the mindset I have is going to stick with me till the day I die. Tip for the day: Never lose your morals or convictions, they mean more than anything you could give them up for.

PS; I'm sure I won't be posting much in here anymore, especially not drawings. I have no time for a life outside of my work, so I apologize in advance.

The work life

So recently, as in like a week ago I, finally, got a job. Of course it's a waitressing job, at Leo's in Dearborn. Surprisingly it's literally busy from the time I walk in till the time I leave. My feet hurt everyday. In fact while I type this I am soaking my feet because they hurt so much. Anyways, I work all the time, 8-4am which means I let my social life go, and am really sad about this. It's like now that I actually have money, I have no one to spend it with. However I do like the people I work with, they are all very very nice. The one thing I would love to change is the cooks yelling at me when THEY mess up an order, but hey whatever.
Every night I go in I get nervous, but half way through the shift I'm happy again. I love my job secretly, but I also love to complain. I just keep tellin' myself, I'm bettering myself and if people don't wanna be on board with me and stay my friends, fuck em' plenty more people to befriend out there. All I know is, I have no worries other than obvious ones. OH, and I'm lookin for a personal foot massage therapist. Even though Chelsea does a lovely job:)

Till next time, bye bye bloggy woggy. No drawings tonight, no time to draw anymore. Work has got the best of me.
PS: super stoked for my half sleeve to get started Monday, ALL SMILES.

Post Birthday

So, yesterday was my day O' birth, for those who don't already know. I am now 19, trust me, nothin' special happens when you get older each year. I still look like I should get the kid's menu everywhere I go, and an ID is a must because people still think I'm about 16. Hell, I still feel like I am 16 sometimes. Anyways, I had a good birthday, even though I didn't have any large parties nor did it turn out as I expected, but I'm happy about that. Everyone was very nice to me, sometimes I wish everyone could just pretend everyday was everyones birthday so we'd all constantly be nice to one another, but I guess thats what makes it such a special day. The fact that one day a year you get to be treated like the most important person to those around you, it's kind of a cool concept.
I was going to make this whole post about me, and how in the past two months I have made my life pretty much perfect, or at least to me. Sure there are some things I wish would change, but as of right now, this very moment, I couldn't be happier with everything I'm doing. I got accepted into the college I want to go to, I got a new job, which I already love. I have weeded through all my 'friends' and came out with an amazing best friend, and a select few that are just amazing friends even if I do not see them as often as I'd like. But surely, I am happy and it's weird to walk around everyday with a smile on my face and it's actually there because it is genuine and I am genuinely pleased with my life.
Enough about me and my accomplishments though, I just wanna say I am so thankful I have a family that even though they can't give me everything I want, and sometimes need, they try their best, especially my awesome parents. I'm glad I have parents whom all my life have supported me, no matter how stupid some of my previous decisions have been. I have a best friend who I believe sometimes puts my well being before her own, and doesn't care how much money I have, but would rather hang with me because we truly have the best times ever when we're together. Hey and sometimes I feel like we might as well be dating HAHA but really we're just that close and I love it. I even have friends that even though I don't see them daily, or even weekly, when I do see them they care so much about me still and vice versa. I am just truly grateful for all the wonderful people in my life, now I finally realize what its like when older people say; it's better to have a few close friends than a million acquaintances. And it is nice, because I could care less about what everyone else is doing, or going out and partying, like all that is great if you can truly cope with the fact your life has little to no purpose or direction. But to have direction and purpose and still have people in the same boat as you supporting and loving you constantly...it feels so much better.

The only thing I did not get for my birthday that would have made it ten times better is, birthday wishes from my Grandma and Linds. This is the only thing that sucks about birthdays and getting older, you lose some of those people you love so much and even though I am happy, I would be happier to just hear them say Happy Birthday. I love and miss them both, but thats okay because I know wherever they are, they are just as happy as I am and missing myself and everyone just as much as they are missed. So to end this post, Instead of putting some picture of me NOT lookin 19 in here, I'll put some lovely pictures of these lovely girls<3

P.s. Cherish what you have, even if it's not a lot, it's still more than you came into this world with;)

Have a little hope, for hope.

Hope is the one thing that if you have it, no one can take it from you. People may be able to disappoint you but they can never make you lose hope, you either have it or you don't. Hope is probably one of the only things that keeps me a little sane and constantly looking forward to tomorrow. I found this quote, and it's probably one of the best quotes I've ever read, because it is so, so, so, on point. I don't care if you're a democrat, or republican, or if you just don't like Obama. It's about the words sometimes, not so much who said them.

“Hope is what led a band of colonists to rise up against an empire; what led the greatest of generations to free a continent and heal a nation; what led young women and young men to sit at lunch counters and brave fire hoses and march through Selma and Montgomery for freedom's cause. Hope is what led me here today -- with a father from Kenya, a mother from Kansas; and a story that could only happen in the United States of America. Hope is the bedrock of this nation; the belief that our destiny will not be written for us, but by us; by all those men and women who are not content to settle for the world as it is; who have courage to remake the world as it should be.”


So have a little hope. Also the picture on the blimp, which actually looks like a Orca says "A city will grow upon the foundations it was built".

Two things I love

My art, and my Goober.

I have a feeling

As recently, of impending doom. Also in the past two months I've had these black-out type seizure-ish, panic attacks. I am worried something is wrong with my brain. This is all I really have to say, no words of wisdom nor sketches. Just getting my paranoia out there. Debating on going to the hospital to get an MRI, but I am far too afraid I will find something is wrong and then regret ever getting it checked out. I don't know. I just hope it's anxiety or something minor.

My birthday is in 9 days, WOOOO. And my so-called friend Brett hoed out on my early birthday party last night, disappointing. So my birthday better be awesome.

I drink too much coffee.

Today was very insignificant, minus the fact me and Jenna ate four burgers each. Hahaha.

I LOVE COWS, IN MY BELLY.

Have a good S-a-TUR- DA- Y, HAY:)

Win some, learn some.

Being vulnerable means leaving yourself open, or susceptible to physical or emotional harm. Being vulnerable is not something most people do well, if at all. Today me and a good friend of mine were chatting away about how "nothing ventured, nothing gained" which is probably one of the best phrases to live by. If we never let ourselves open up to others and actually take the chance of being vulnerable, we would never know friendship, compassion, love, etc. I will be the first person to stand up and say relationships or relation-shits are for the birds, not my cup of tea. However, without actually trying to find some sort of companionship in another, you more than likely become bitter, or very outlandish, to others that is. You may not ever notice it because it becomes you, becomes a habit just as quickly as smoking cigarettes does. Sometimes, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You have to allow yourself to open up, and even if you are given the classic 'run around', it doesn't mean you failed, it means you were just looking in the wrong place for what you, personally need. You can either allow things to stay inside, or you can let them out. Either way sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone you have interest in to read your mind won't happen. Win some, learn some. No such thing as losing, just learning. As I said....Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Here's a quick sketch I did in the moment. One of the fingers is a little off, but if you can see it from my perspective, AWESOMEEEEE. If not, whatever, next time. haha.

Hate or heart?

Honestly, I can say I hate so many things. I hate the new tool bar that somehow made its way onto my safari page. I hate every day that my computer freezes. I hate the mac campaign for saying that mac's never get viruses and lying to me. I hate when I'm nice to people so they talk to me constantly and I then have to show them my mean side. I hate that money means more than personality, in most cases. I hate that everything isn't free. I hate that most people drive like they are blind. I hate that people judge each other so much, as though they have a microscope in their pocket. I hate the television, a lot, and all its stupid commercials. I hate when people lie. I hate when people are hypocrites. I hate when people hoe out. I hate when someone promises you so much but falls extremely short of expectation. I hate the winter. I hate bees. I hate music that has no heart or soul to it. I hate drinking. I hate the plethora of people you find at average parties. I hate that appearance means so much to so many. I hate that no one ever asks me how I am, instead of the other way around. I hate not having a job. I hate anyone who doesn't love say anything. I hate that cancer has taken so many that I love away from me. I hate that I smoke cigarettes. I hate math. I hate a lot of the people in downriver, Michigan. I hate so much. But you know what...that doesn't make me any better than the things I hate. Hate is one of the most used words next to love and hating something just makes you a bitter person. All those bitter people out there just resonate more and more hate, until we're all killing one another for what we don't have in common. Hate is such an easy emotion to express, love however, love takes a lot more hard work. I could hate everything till the day I die, but that won't make me a better person by having a heart of steel.
Even though I said I hate so much, there is so much more that I love. I could name it all off but you wouldn't wanna read that.
The one thing however, that I love the most is, the power of each individual person. Everyone has so much potential, whether or not they see it is their own issue. But it's a lovely thing I must say, knowing that one person can do so much, and the more people who see this, the better off we all are.

PS My birthday is in 12 days, am I excited? Not one bit.

Failure

Famous Failure


Today I checked my schooling, which is done online. I had a couple new emails, mostly from various teachers whom have graded my work and sent me "proficencies", but I had one from my head teacher or mentor as they call it. In the email was this video and a few kind words of congratulations from her.
If you actually check out the video you'll know what I'm talking about, if you don't...then just close this window now.
Failure is usually measured or defined by our mistakes and or regrets. However, as you saw in this video, if you have never been down the road of failure you will never be able to reach success. I think you have to have been to the extreme low to really appreciate when the simpliest things work out.
This video inspired me, mostly because I already can relate to it. I was told many a times I was going no where or that I wasn't "good enough" to do what I wanted to do and go the places I wanted to go. However because I will never settle, I have overcome and will continue to do so. I don't know how many times a week I say this to people, but never settle. I don't care if you never listen to another word that comes out of my mouth, or fingers rather. I urge you to take this one piece of advice and live by it; never, ever, in a million years should you settle for less than what you feel YOU deserve. That advice goes many ways, for many situations. Don't settle for a crap job just because you feel it's your only option. Don't settle for a significant other who truly isn't what you're looking for just because you feel you don't want to be alone. Don't settle for a career and educational path because it's what your parents want or what will make you the most income. We are measured by our flaws, our failures, our success, our goals and most importantly, by what we will and won't settle for. How do you measure up?

Better late than never.

Thats the phrase that is mostly used when referring to belated birthday cards and couples having children in their 40's
My better late than never for this week is, drum roll please...Being excited about my good news! I got accepted into CCS.
Which I hear is "half the battle", but to me it's a battle in it's own. I am probably the happiest I have been in the past year, or maybe the past two. I'm not to sure where this all measures up with best moments of my life, but it's definitely a significant step in the right direction to the goals I've set for my future. I was so pumped when my sister broke the news to me that I screamed, a lot. I just sat there screaming in excitement with my friend Jenna, lookin' like a weirdo. But that didn't matter, none of this matters. All that matters is I have found that renewal I was urning for. I am so glad and relieved and just full of hope now.
This may be one giant step in the right direction, but starting from now on it's all going to be coasting or rather struggling through hard work and a couple hundred all nighters. All in all, I am proud to say I will be a student of the College for Creative Studies in the Fall of 2010.


PS: The pictures have nothing to do with anything. I just worked on it today and figured I'd throw it on in here.

I have been trying to update this as much as possible lately, but I feel like my life has become a combination of mess and bad luck. I mean, nothing new there, it's always seemed like bad luck follows me like my shadow. I think the one thing that keeps me going with a smile on my face is the future, the thought of the future that is. It's not really my future that excites me, it's the fact that everything changes so much, as I said in my previous post. Also, because everything changes so much, I keep telling myself someday everything all the hard work, the road blocks of life, the stress, it's allllll going to be worth it, someday.
Unfortunately that day cannot be today, but the fact that one day it will be, that's enough to keep hope. I hope someday the people around me grow up. I hope someday karma will take care of those who have done nothing but be terrible people towards me, and everyone. I hope someday I will feel okay about all of this...my life that is. Someday is such a great day to look forward to, it could come tomorrow or next week, or months from now, maybe even years from now. However, it will come around.
Someday we will be able to fix our wrongs, build a career, strive for a great cause, be with the one person we deserve and that deserves us, drop an addiction, and make peace with others and ourselves. Everything takes preparation and without preparing for your future, it may just pass you by. All those who know there is hope with each tomorrow, will find hope in each sunrise.

No pictures today, just inspirational words...well at least I hope they are. Good day:)

The only constant...

is change. That is the only thing in this world that will always be there and always be happening right before our eyes. Think about how much you've changed in the past year. Now how about since High school? And Middle school? Point being, you've changed countless times. You've even changed your clothes today, more than once I am sure.
Change is a big scary thing if you do not embrace it with an open mind and open arms. It does suck that things change so much, but it is impossible to undo or stop, it will always occur. I think the change that hurts the most isn't the getting a job, or starting college, it's not even growing up and changing that sucks so bad...it's the change that takes place in relationships with others.
That change that happens when someone you're friends with becomes someone you WERE friends with, yeah. That's the changing part of life that makes change such a frightening concept. However, as sad as it is, this is going to happen quite frequently before we all kick the bucket. It's not for any negative reason that change takes place, it just is the way of the world. And even though losing people you once loved really hurts and you never stop missing those people in your life, you will come across someone just as, if not greater in comparison. Once you realize change is for the best, you can stop trying to fight it and become more accepting, in multiple ways. Change may be constant, but so is life, they work interchangeably and create our everyday happiness, or grief. Either way, it's inevitable so we might as well get used to it.

What about me?

Ever since I have returned from this road trip I have been feeling empty, but not like an empty of sorrow and what not. Empty like there is literally nothing inside me anymore, no care, no heart, no brain, no feelings, etc. So I have just been working on my art for my portfolio, and even this isn't seeming to make me feel different, or better if you will. All I can think about lately is all my worries, thats it. Then after worrying about the bigger picture, I start worrying about details of it. I really feel as though I am losing my mind, nothing seems conventional to me.
This could have something to do with me constantly being the listener to everyone far and in between. Whether or not it be true, I feel like no one really cares in regards to anything having to do with me. I mean yes, I do have a great family and phenomenal friends and they allll help me out with a lot of things. However, as much as they DO for me, I always find myself with no one to truly converse with about all the stress that is just weighing me down like a prisoner with a ball and chain on every limb.
I don't mean to seem emo, or like the victim, this isn't a WOE IS SHELBY post. This is a....I'm losing my mind and no one really understands or gets me, kinda post. I guess i'm just gonna write this off as me being "weird", I'd rather spend my time staring at the walls now-a-days. I need to find something to fill me with renewal and to fortify my soul. I would really like something, anything, to work out in my favor for once. Here's to hope, and trying not to lose all of it.

To the South we drive.

So this weekend I was fortunate enough to be invited on a road trip to, what started off, just New Orleans till Monday. Well not too long after making it to Louisiana, this 17 hour road trip to New Orleans turned into a five day road trip across nine different states. When I say we, I mean my friends Cassie, Kiki, Ashley, and myself...of course. I will say, we had the time of our lives. First went straight to Louisiana, hung out, got dinner at a lovely little place with perfect burgers. Then the next day we checked out New Orleans, and it was amazing. The architecture was beautiful, almost perfect. It's like a hurricane never even touched the city in some parts, other areas not being as lucky.
After visiting New Orleans, the plan was either, go to Virginia Beach or Texas. We chose Texas, so we headed the 8 hours to Denton/Dallas and hung out with some of our friends/ Kiki's Boyfriend. Even though Texas was colder, if not as cold as Michigan, it was ten times better. The stars were so perfectly illuminated, probably the most stars I've ever seen in my life. But anyways, the next day we hung out in Dallas for a bit, went to a Beef Jerky store where Kiki and I almost died trying salsa, Cassie and I tried kangaroo jerky, and I ate a scorpion sucker.
Then we were on the road again, made a lonnng drive from Texas to Nashville, where we stayed the night in the creepiest Knight's Inn I have ever seen. The next day we left Nashville and drove straight home except for the stop in Kentucky for an antique mall that was pretty gnarly. Basically, I spent five days on the road, stayin' in good/creepy hotel rooms, with four of my closest friends, visited a few people we knew, ate tons of delicious southern food, took a picture next to almost ever state sign....this weekend was perfect, and well worth it.
I have yet to sleep since I've gotten home, I think it's just cause I'm overwhelmed by a lot of things. I am sad the adventure is over because everyday it was something new and fresh, but mostly nothing was holding us back from going wherever we pleased.
To wrap this all up, I have the best friends a person could ever ask for and am so thankful for that. I had a blast, thanks guys you really rule more than you will ever know. This trip made me like and dislike being a Michigander a great deal.


PS: I cannot wait to go on another road trip.

My throbbing torment...

Comes in the form of my wisdom tooth. Earlier in the week, I noticed my wisdom tooth on the left side growing in, a day or two later I was at a 8.5-10 on the pain scale. Today my amazing father took me to my dentist's emergency room and surely enough, they removed the one wisdom tooth. I am in more pain than I have ever been, and I have had a lot of dental work done in my life, but nothing has hurt as much as the after effects of wisdom tooth extraction. For once, I am glad to not get everything done at once, if both teeth would've been removed I don't know how I'd handle myself. Thankfully I have only two wisdom teeth, so I will only have to go through this pain once more, and I will honestly wait until it grows completely in.
Normally I handle pain pretty well, I am by no means a cry baby, but somehow this pain has got me crying even thinking about dry sockets and complications. Today is my hell, my own version of torture. I am miserable, and I am also realizing I need to spend more time at home. I need more days like today, where I don't go out, I just enjoy time to myself.
OH, on another note, since I'm rambling on, always...Someone today told me that going to school for art makes you an idiot and is the equivalent of going no where in your life. Well clearly this person has never put their time and ideas into creating anything artistically...what a shame. This got me to realizing, not that I am going no where, because I know this to be extremely fictitious. I realized that the people who don't care for art, or don't understand it, or appreciate it, those people have no imagination, no passion, and no place in my life. So I'm gonna take another vicodin for this pain, and raise my bottle of water; to all the artists out there of all kinds, medias, methods, etc that were ever told they'd go no where because an artistic career is not a practical career. Keep on keepin' on brothaz-n-sistaz, we will change the world. I hope everyone has a good weekend, considering I won't.
PS: This is a picture of my bloody gauze that I have been using as a way to stop the bleeding....clearly it's not working:(

Y....O...U, Love you.

I was inspired to make this entry thanks to a dear friend of mine, whom I have known since 7th grade. She is one of the nicest, brightest, beautiful people I have ever met. However, ever since I have known her she has put herself in awful relationships, almost as though she is compromising her happiness because she'd rather be in a relationship and miserable than alone and miserable. Her boyfriend now, seemed like a "great guy" but she found out he doesn't even tell other girls he has a girlfriend, and makes plans with other girls and does things he won't even take my friend, his girlfriend to do. Now, any normal person looking at this situation from a far can easily tell, this is a big RED FLAG.
I know I know, you're sitting there reading this thinking; "I don't care about your friends relationship issues", but I promise there is a point. I have met soooooooo many women and young ladies, of all ages, sizes, races, etc. that put themselves in relationships that they aren't happy with and in turn end in them being sorry and sad. Why? Why do girls do this to themselves? I guess as my friend said, she isn't a strong person. But see, all of you out there ARE strong, you're all strong enough to know what you want and not settle for ANYTHING less than that. You shouldn't have to settle, you shouldn't have to be the statistic.
If you didn't already know this, most men are dogs. They only care about themselves and their 'mini me', now I say most because there are the few diamonds in the rough that really do mean what they say and say what they mean, but it's a small percentage. As girls, we are emotional and vulnerable more than we are not. That's all well and good, but when you find out the boy you're madly all about is using you, stop acting shocked like you didn't see it coming. Our problem is, like my friend, we'd rather compromise than hold it out for what we truly deserve. You shouldn't though, because as empty as you feel without a boyfriend or a boy around at all, you're going to feel a lot more empty when you put your all into something that was never there in the first place. So ladies everywhere, stop, please just stop settling for a guy because he's easy on the eyes and says everything you want to hear....chances are, he doesn't mean any of it and would rather see you naked than see you untroubled. As I told my friend last night, the best person to love, is yourself. No one, is ever going to know you better than you do. No one is ever going to accept you more than you do. No one is ever going to love you, if you don't love yourself.
Also, about the art I posted in this entry, it's a painting I did last year in my painting class (go figure) and it's not perfect, AT ALL. It's actually quite terrible and not up to par. However I love it, I love the colors, I love the fact it's mortal kombat, I love the fact I made it and it is flawed, but great.
So all the women, girls, young ladies, etc out there, please don't compromise because you don't wanna be alone, because being alone is a whole hell of a lot better than crying and hanging out with Ben&Jerry, while you pet your cat and watch chick flicks. YOU ARE ABOVE THAT. You are above all the men who do not see you for the great person you truly are.

"An eye for an eye"

What a terrible phrase, an eye for an eye. Could you imagine if we lived in a world where people actually, fully acted on this phrase, like lived by it? OH, wait, we do live in a world where vengeance out weighs forgiveness. Sure, people do enough wrong that it's actually more practical to live a life of vengeance than forgiveness, but who ever said you had to formally punish all those who did wrong unto you? The word forgiveness is not used enough now a days, In my opinion, but it needs to be used more often. We use the words love and hate with such strong conviction daily, but never forgive, we never say "I forgive so and so for that time they did whatever to me". But we do usually say something along the lines of that statement, except with love or hate in placement of forgive. There are so many people in this world that I could say I "hate", with the heaviest heart, but I don't. See thats the thing, I don't hate those who have wronged me, I don't stay bitter and stand around with criss crossed arms complaining about the injustice I feel by life. And that's because it all boils down to one, single, tiny, little, minuscule thing, it's your choice. YES, that's it, just your choice, your choice to forgive or hold a heavy, cold heart.
I'm in no way pointing my finger down at you, from some high horse saying: "Forgive everyone for the wrongs they did, they aren't perfect and neither are you." No no, I include myself in everything I say, I am the same as you and vice versa, we're all made up of the same basic molecules. I am just trying to make you see, there are soo many people out in the world, tons upon tons of people just like you and I and everyone we know. That's millions of people. There are so many people in this world, that it will not hurt you to forgive the ones that just happened to maybe hoe you out last friday, y'know? So many people you could possibly hate; a lot more than that kid who back in 9th grade stole your girlfriend. So many scenarios, so many ways, so many chances...to forgive.
However, I am not saying that forgiving is the way to happiness and you should forgive everyone and just allow yourself to be the personal floor for all your friends to walk all over, NO DON'T DO THAT AT ALL. haha. Believe me, I forgive just about everyone, but it is for minor mistakes and small unsuitable quarrels. I do still have probably a hand full, just 5 people or less I will never forgive even if they walked up to me on fire, crying for forgiveness. Now, this doesn't make me a hypocrite because the wrongs that I have felt from these specific people go far deeper than any wounds I have ever felt. But my point is, don't forgive just anybody, obviously, it takes some looking at the situation and asking yourself, is this worth the anger? Is it worth the stress of avoidance and everything else? Most of the time, you will find that being pissed about whatever you are, isn't worth it and you will be a lot happier to say sorry and be able to shake that burden right off your shoulder.
Everything in your life comes down to one thing, you. You have the ability to be the happiest person in the world, or the most miserable person in the world. It all begins with your state of mind, so which do you wanna be today, and forever?
As Gandhi said "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". And right he was, we are all on the verge of being blind, because we care more about seeing someone else drown than helping them learn to swim. Forgive someone this week, even if the reason is the smallest in the world, say the words "I forgive you...." and most importantly, truly mean them. You will realize, those friends you "miss so much" are only a call away and one line from being your friends again.

Anti-everything

I say anti-everything openly, because we live in a world where everything is black or white. Well, not EVERYTHING per se, but most everything. We are all grouped into yays and nays, smokers and non smokers, lovers and fighters, etc. We are so obsessed with taking a stand and refusing to see the opposition of the issue, we close our minds to the other side of things. It's as though we live by some rule saying: if we don't recognize something, it can't exist in our system of belief. This is completely and utterly, untrue, and not to mention a horrid way of seeing things. The older I get, the more I realize how boring life is getting. Almost as though we live in an anti-fun society. But this is not the truth at all, this is merely my perception of aging. But you know what, I don't care. I do not care one bit how old I get, I refuse to stop having fun. I refuse to try my hardest to grow up, where's the fun in that? HAHA. There isn't any.
I have recently been feeling as though I am so many steps behind everyone I know. As though I am failing at this retched game of life, but now I realize...I'm not. I am on the path that is right for me, and me alone. Those who feel that they should wave their education in others faces, or money, or whatever in people's faces...they are the least mature. They are the ones who will pay dearly for their gloating pride that they carry like a billboard across their foreheads. I don't get it, I don't understand why so many people think their happiness will come with money, time, romance, education, etc. And if they are so "happy" about their lives, why do they feel the need to show it to others and seek approval? I guess it's human nature. But I don't think telling someone all that I have and making them see what they do not have will make me feel any better or less about it. If you have something, telling others about it will not make it any greater, it is still going to be $5,000 dollars if you tell someone you have it, it doesn't go up in value for every person you boast to, does it? No, so why do we gloat? Well because we want someone to pat us on the back and say, "yes all your hardwork or Daddy's good job has paid off". SO WHAT?
Our problem is, we're human, and as humans we want someone, anyone to make us feel like we're doing the RIGHT things. However, as long as what you have makes you feel good, don't rub it in others faces; that makes you look like a fool.
In conclusion, my point of the day is this....Stop searching for that approval from your family, friends, boyfriend, etc, seriously. Just take a step back and realize that everything you do is for you, no one else. If others think whatever you have or do is awesome, That's just a bonus. But I urge you, stop trying to live a rigid life of perfection in order to please someone else. Don't eliminate fun because you feel the need to grow up, half the fun of growing up is enjoying your life, for YOU. Today I want you to have fun, do one thing that you love doing even if people don't agree with it, do it for you. Because after all, everyone else is looking out for themselves, why shouldn't you?

Food, Fun, and Friends.

That is what my past two days have consisted of, which is why I haven't posted something since my prior post. Yesterday I spent a lot of time downtown, I went to the DIA with Chelsea and Micaela. I had a lot of fun and enjoyed the show and the good company. Then after that, I returned home and waited to go to my friend Katie's out in Detroit for a Birthday Party. It was also a very good time filled with a lot of different people and different company, but still it was a grand time. But this post is mainly dedicated to the fulfillment I feel today, I am almost finished reading my book on Buddhism, and tying it all together it makes perfect sense in my mind. I wish everyone could just read this book and see what I finally SEE. Tonight I decided, because ever since I was born I've never cooked on a stove top, I know how to make very few things, and prefer to cook every single thing in the microwave. But for some reason I'm tired of doing so, I wanna be able to cook for myself and be independent. So I made tonight, delicious rice and teriyaki noodles, they turned out very good and I'm quite proud of myself. I think I'm going to continue to hone this skill. I also am becoming skeptical about my intended major for college and if this art thing is really for me...Hmm. Well that's a whole other subject in its own.

What you see isn't always what you get

We all know of the common phrase "whatcha see is whatcha get". But most of the time, thats not the truth, especially when it comes to people. Actually, when it comes to a lot of things in this world, what you see is never what you get. An example, fast food...when you go to order it and you're checkin' out the menu, everything looks sooooo good. Then you get your food and it looks like someone sat on it, puked it up, etc etc. What you see, is rarely what you get, which is awful. It's a terrible thing that an image or a persons image is never what you get. It's like icebergs, the worst of everything is underneath the surface, it's hidden and waiting. We always hope and wish that a persons image will really add up to what they truly are behind closed doors, but the ugly truth of it is, no one, I repeat NO ONE, is ever going to turn out how you imagine. Because no one is going to be exactly how you wish or hope they would be. They are only going to be a human being, who is flawed and imperfect. If you can truly see things for what they are, you have a gift. This is the problem in the world; we all put our faith in some idea, image, religion, etc but really we need to be putting our faith in ourselves. There is no one on this earth or in this entire universe who is going to respect you, love you, take care of you, trust you, more than yourself, so quit trying to find that picture perfect significant other. So in order to avoid disappointment, see things, sights, art, life, people, etc for what they truly are....not for what you WANT them to be. Just like this picture, I tried to manipulate it into something better looking, but truth be told I took it on a beautiful summer day and the picture itself is as good as it gets, well maybe not. However for me, it's a beautiful picture and making it into something its not, takes away from it in everyway possible.

P.S. Tonight is my last night of smoking cigarettes, my father and I have made a bet, starting tomorrow morning. First one to smoke a cigarette owes the other one 50 bones. Lets hope neither of us loses. Haha.

There is no such thing as luck...

is it purely coincidence joined with preparation. I say this because I use the phrase "lucky" a lot. I use it when it comes to people telling me things they are doing that I wish I could be doing at the same time, but when I reevaluate what I am saying, I realize they aren't lucky they just happen to be doing what I want because they had the available resources to do so. There is no such thing as LUCK, it is an easy word to dismiss hard work and hard planning. Some people tell me I'm lucky for my talent, but I do see it as luck being the reason I can draw, I see it as talent that I have been interested in since I was about 7 years old.
Speaking of this "luck" thing, last night I did my first blind contour, not really my thing, but I had to try it out for kicks. I tried it out by doing a quick sketch of "Warwick" for the Hallway Show. It did not turn out perfectly as I would like, but hey...does anything? No, which is why I'm quite pleased with it, but then again I am always pleased with the art I produce, because it is from my own original mind, and no one can touch that.

Choosing to see the beauty of things

I have a very different philosophy on life than most people, I try to see things in ways most people choose not to. Everything is based on choices; you choose to be angry, you choose to be friends with the people you dislike, you choose to be in a situation you may not like, etc. Everything you do is a choice, and blaming your circumstances on anyone but yourself is just ignorant. I'm so tired of so many people blaming others for their short comings and justifying it with some excuse, when really it's their own choices that got them where they are.
So I choose to see people, sights, life, art, etc. in my own way. I try my best to be the one to see the big picture, plus the small details. Like when it comes to people, most people won't give anyone they've heard "terrible" things about a fair shot. However, I enjoy giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and choose not to judge them for anything they may or may not have done in the past. People need to learn not to judge others on previous mistakes, because when it comes right down to it, we've all made a couple mistakes we'd rather consider lessons learned. So next time you hear something about someone, take it in, but look at it in a different view. You could see it as the person telling you these "wrongs" of another as their own choice to see that person in the light which they have actually reflected upon themselves.
I am straying away from my main concept, sorry. Anyways, when it comes to sights, and scenes we think just because we've seen something so many times it's not the same as the first glance we took. But everything, every single, little, sight is beautiful. I took this picture from my crappy but highly reliable cell phone. It's from the summer time and I just stumbled upon it today, it was taken at Heritage Park, wayyy in the back near the marshy areas. It looks a lot more beautiful than one would expect from a little marsh in the back of a Taylor park. But thats my whole point, when you simply see something from a different perspective, you can find the most amazing thing you've set eyes on. Life can be beautiful, if you just change the way you see EVERYTHING. Try it, you might be surprised how easily it comes to you.

All the words of my mind...

So lately I have been meaning to draw for a night and get some more art on here. HOWEVER, I have been lacking creative motivation. It is so unfortunate, if you've ever experienced, I know you can agree. So last night after I spent some time in Ann Arbor I felt that maybe the motivation would come back to me. Sorry to say, it did not. Then at about 5AM I realized, it's got nothing to do with a feeling or anything of the sort, you have to push yourself, no one or thing or person is going to get the motivation going for you. So I just wrote in different fonts, and stuff to get my creativity on a page, everything I felt or thought I put on this paper, and it all intertwines in an odd way, which I did on purpose. Because art is a lot like life, everything and everyone intertwines in an odd way everyday. I have a lot on my mind, things about my future. Things about my friends and if some of them are truly worth the stress they cause to my life and my mind. And about life in general and how to stay positive even when all I wanna do is scream and yell at people and tell them what fools they are. Instead of yelling and releasing my anger which will only make any matter worse, I'm just gonna write out everything I'm thinking and feeling in different ways now. Because I just don't wanna be an angry person towards others anymore, that ship has long set sail. OH and I wanna say Congrats to my sister for getting some of her Robots into a Drawger show. I hope today is a good day, for myself and for all that stumble across my blog.

Peace of my mind.

If you do not know me, or have only met me once briefly, you wouldn't know that I can have quite the temper. I am what most would refer to as a 'hot head', I have never been very good with expressing my anger. I have always tried many ways to keep my wrath at bay, chain smoking, eating, counting back from 10, etc. But nothing ever seemed to help. Up until most recently when I became curious about the philosophy of Buddhism, I say philosophy because I see it as more of a philosophy rather than a religion. So I began researching it, and now am reading a book on it by Steve Hagen, called Buddhism: Plain and Simple. And just reading and looking into all this Buddhism stuff has already made me a less angry person. I know it sounds crazy, how can just reading a book make you less angry, right? But if you ever look into the wonderful art of Buddhism, you'll see it makes so much sense. It's all about karma, and doing good even when people aren't good to you. Because when it all comes down to it, we only walk this earth for some time, and it can be cut short at any moment, so we need to really be good, humble, helpful, nice people while we have the chance; So that one day we're not laying there on our death bed saying, "I wish I wouldn't have kept all those grudges and been so mean to so many people". Honestly, right now, think of all the fights and arguments you've been in. Now, how would you feel if that person you're so "mad" at died tomorrow? Would you really feel okay with the fact you never got to say sorry, that they went out thinking you "hated" them? I hope most of you answer No to that, because it's very true. Half the battles, wars, fights, arguments of our lives...they just aren't worth it. So I, Shelby, am turning over a new leaf, and I really find it working most the time. Instead of yelling at someone for lying to me or doing me wrong, I just say thats their choice, my choice is to stay in a good state of mind and not let their wrongs affect me.
Also, today I was thinking about this "smoking ban" thats coming into play on May 1st and I say BULLSHIT. Sure it's a great idea and second hand smoke is deadly, but what about all the accidents that happen from drunks? Why aren't they banning drinking in bars? OH thats right, cause the government gets more money off of it, my bad. However, because I'm highly P.O.'d
about this "ban" I made an event on Facebook for Michigan Smokers Day, the day before the ban I plan to smoke in every place I am able to smoke in, I'm going to chain smoke allllll day long, till my lungs turn black, because it's the one last day I can in most places. That all being said, Thanks for taking your time out to read and hopefully I'll have some art up tomorrow, I know I know, I'm really slackin'.

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. "

A great quote from the end of the first Lord Of The Rings movie: The Fellowship Of The Ring. From a great wizard, most fans of the trilogy know as Gandalf. Most recently I have spent a great amount of time with my eldest sister, Chelsea Kirchoff. We are pretty much two peas in a pod, and spend a lot of our time watching and or reciting lines from the LOTR movies. This quote is one of the bigger ones that always sticks out at me, everytime I hear it. It just really speaks for us all, it's pretty much the answer to life, in my eyes. Why worry about what happens after life or what happened before our lives, it's all about enjoying and deciding ourselves; what to do with our time here on earth. Couldn't have said it better myself if I tried even my hardest, wise words from a wise wizard. So here is a quick charcoal sketch I did of the Wonderful Wizard, ENJOY.

Heart of your world

Recently I finished a wonderful little picture, took me quite sometime because of the background but overall, it was well worth the time and effort put forth. I have found that I really enjoy doing pieces with color, I think that color is the best way to go. Mainly because black and white is just so boring; in my opinion. I mean don't get me wrong, I do love a good sketch with values in charcoal and or just pencil, But color is better to work with, better to blend, and just overall BETTER. Anyways, here is the great picture I can thank for the blister on my thumb:)