I have been trying to update this as much as possible lately, but I feel like my life has become a combination of mess and bad luck. I mean, nothing new there, it's always seemed like bad luck follows me like my shadow. I think the one thing that keeps me going with a smile on my face is the future, the thought of the future that is. It's not really my future that excites me, it's the fact that everything changes so much, as I said in my previous post. Also, because everything changes so much, I keep telling myself someday everything all the hard work, the road blocks of life, the stress, it's allllll going to be worth it, someday.
Unfortunately that day cannot be today, but the fact that one day it will be, that's enough to keep hope. I hope someday the people around me grow up. I hope someday karma will take care of those who have done nothing but be terrible people towards me, and everyone. I hope someday I will feel okay about all of this...my life that is. Someday is such a great day to look forward to, it could come tomorrow or next week, or months from now, maybe even years from now. However, it will come around.
Someday we will be able to fix our wrongs, build a career, strive for a great cause, be with the one person we deserve and that deserves us, drop an addiction, and make peace with others and ourselves. Everything takes preparation and without preparing for your future, it may just pass you by. All those who know there is hope with each tomorrow, will find hope in each sunrise.
No pictures today, just inspirational words...well at least I hope they are. Good day:)
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
is change. That is the only thing in this world that will always be there and always be happening right before our eyes. Think about how much you've changed in the past year. Now how about since High school? And Middle school? Point being, you've changed countless times. You've even changed your clothes today, more than once I am sure.
Change is a big scary thing if you do not embrace it with an open mind and open arms. It does suck that things change so much, but it is impossible to undo or stop, it will always occur. I think the change that hurts the most isn't the getting a job, or starting college, it's not even growing up and changing that sucks so bad...it's the change that takes place in relationships with others.
That change that happens when someone you're friends with becomes someone you WERE friends with, yeah. That's the changing part of life that makes change such a frightening concept. However, as sad as it is, this is going to happen quite frequently before we all kick the bucket. It's not for any negative reason that change takes place, it just is the way of the world. And even though losing people you once loved really hurts and you never stop missing those people in your life, you will come across someone just as, if not greater in comparison. Once you realize change is for the best, you can stop trying to fight it and become more accepting, in multiple ways. Change may be constant, but so is life, they work interchangeably and create our everyday happiness, or grief. Either way, it's inevitable so we might as well get used to it.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Ever since I have returned from this road trip I have been feeling empty, but not like an empty of sorrow and what not. Empty like there is literally nothing inside me anymore, no care, no heart, no brain, no feelings, etc. So I have just been working on my art for my portfolio, and even this isn't seeming to make me feel different, or better if you will. All I can think about lately is all my worries, thats it. Then after worrying about the bigger picture, I start worrying about details of it. I really feel as though I am losing my mind, nothing seems conventional to me.
This could have something to do with me constantly being the listener to everyone far and in between. Whether or not it be true, I feel like no one really cares in regards to anything having to do with me. I mean yes, I do have a great family and phenomenal friends and they allll help me out with a lot of things. However, as much as they DO for me, I always find myself with no one to truly converse with about all the stress that is just weighing me down like a prisoner with a ball and chain on every limb.
I don't mean to seem emo, or like the victim, this isn't a WOE IS SHELBY post. This is a....I'm losing my mind and no one really understands or gets me, kinda post. I guess i'm just gonna write this off as me being "weird", I'd rather spend my time staring at the walls now-a-days. I need to find something to fill me with renewal and to fortify my soul. I would really like something, anything, to work out in my favor for once. Here's to hope, and trying not to lose all of it.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
So this weekend I was fortunate enough to be invited on a road trip to, what started off, just New Orleans till Monday. Well not too long after making it to Louisiana, this 17 hour road trip to New Orleans turned into a five day road trip across nine different states. When I say we, I mean my friends Cassie, Kiki, Ashley, and myself...of course. I will say, we had the time of our lives. First went straight to Louisiana, hung out, got dinner at a lovely little place with perfect burgers. Then the next day we checked out New Orleans, and it was amazing. The architecture was beautiful, almost perfect. It's like a hurricane never even touched the city in some parts, other areas not being as lucky.
After visiting New Orleans, the plan was either, go to Virginia Beach or Texas. We chose Texas, so we headed the 8 hours to Denton/Dallas and hung out with some of our friends/ Kiki's Boyfriend. Even though Texas was colder, if not as cold as Michigan, it was ten times better. The stars were so perfectly illuminated, probably the most stars I've ever seen in my life. But anyways, the next day we hung out in Dallas for a bit, went to a Beef Jerky store where Kiki and I almost died trying salsa, Cassie and I tried kangaroo jerky, and I ate a scorpion sucker.
Then we were on the road again, made a lonnng drive from Texas to Nashville, where we stayed the night in the creepiest Knight's Inn I have ever seen. The next day we left Nashville and drove straight home except for the stop in Kentucky for an antique mall that was pretty gnarly. Basically, I spent five days on the road, stayin' in good/creepy hotel rooms, with four of my closest friends, visited a few people we knew, ate tons of delicious southern food, took a picture next to almost ever state sign....this weekend was perfect, and well worth it.
I have yet to sleep since I've gotten home, I think it's just cause I'm overwhelmed by a lot of things. I am sad the adventure is over because everyday it was something new and fresh, but mostly nothing was holding us back from going wherever we pleased.
To wrap this all up, I have the best friends a person could ever ask for and am so thankful for that. I had a blast, thanks guys you really rule more than you will ever know. This trip made me like and dislike being a Michigander a great deal.
PS: I cannot wait to go on another road trip.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Comes in the form of my wisdom tooth. Earlier in the week, I noticed my wisdom tooth on the left side growing in, a day or two later I was at a 8.5-10 on the pain scale. Today my amazing father took me to my dentist's emergency room and surely enough, they removed the one wisdom tooth. I am in more pain than I have ever been, and I have had a lot of dental work done in my life, but nothing has hurt as much as the after effects of wisdom tooth extraction. For once, I am glad to not get everything done at once, if both teeth would've been removed I don't know how I'd handle myself. Thankfully I have only two wisdom teeth, so I will only have to go through this pain once more, and I will honestly wait until it grows completely in.
Normally I handle pain pretty well, I am by no means a cry baby, but somehow this pain has got me crying even thinking about dry sockets and complications. Today is my hell, my own version of torture. I am miserable, and I am also realizing I need to spend more time at home. I need more days like today, where I don't go out, I just enjoy time to myself.
OH, on another note, since I'm rambling on, always...Someone today told me that going to school for art makes you an idiot and is the equivalent of going no where in your life. Well clearly this person has never put their time and ideas into creating anything artistically...what a shame. This got me to realizing, not that I am going no where, because I know this to be extremely fictitious. I realized that the people who don't care for art, or don't understand it, or appreciate it, those people have no imagination, no passion, and no place in my life. So I'm gonna take another vicodin for this pain, and raise my bottle of water; to all the artists out there of all kinds, medias, methods, etc that were ever told they'd go no where because an artistic career is not a practical career. Keep on keepin' on brothaz-n-sistaz, we will change the world. I hope everyone has a good weekend, considering I won't.
PS: This is a picture of my bloody gauze that I have been using as a way to stop the bleeding....clearly it's not working:(